The Return of my Arch-Nemesis

Many people may not know that I have had to have two surgeries in the last two months. Back in May, I had a lump down by my c-section scar that just popped up one day and was really painful and bothering me. I went to my Ob/gyn to see what it was and she said that she wasn't sure, but it was one of three things: a cyst, a lump of scar tissue or endometriosis in my c-section scar.  The only way to find out was to surgically remove it and since it was painful I decided to go ahead and do it before we left NY and had to change insurances and start all over with deductibles and what not. I had surgery June 3rd and as you may know, we moved June 11th. Bad timing?  A little bit. Was it helpful? Yes. My neighbors and friends in Rochester were wonderful to come to my aid and bring us meals, watch Kaden and help us out while I recovered and Curtis finished up school. We're so blessed!

A week after the surgery I got the news that the lab had run tests on the lump they removed and it was indeed my old nemesis, endometriosis.  Since it had migrated to the outer layer of my scar tissue, Dr. Sheffield was very concerned that endometriosis was spreading inside of me again and she suggested another laparoscopy to remove the problem so I could get pregnant.  (We've been trying since November 2013 for baby #2 and she figured this was the reason that things weren't working the way we'd hoped.)

We moved back to Utah and I called up my old ob/gyn, Dr. Olsen, who is a miracle-worker in my mind. (He was the doctor to finally figure out after so many years what was preventing my pregnancies,  diagnose me with endometriosis and he was the one who did my surgeries that helped us get Kaden.) I adore the man, and as luck would have it our insurance covered him, so even though Logan is a long drive from Salt Lake, I wanted a doctor I knew/trusted to do yet another surgery.

The procedure went as could be expected, but when they tried to flush my tubes with fluid to clear any potential blockage, they found that they were completely blocked.  The endometriosis had damaged them to the point that they were non-functional now. This news was obviously devastating to me since the egg has to be able to travel through the fallopian tubes to implant in the uterus. No tubes? No baby.  Dr. Olsen sadly informed me that there was nothing more he could do to help me, and told me in-vitro would likely be my only option from here on out for more kids. Not exactly the news you want to hear coming out of a graduate school program and trying to pay off student loans, buy a 2nd car and save for a house since in-vitro costs between $15,000 and $25,000. I cried my tears that day and mourned the simplicity that is pregnancy for most people, that will never be me, then decided to move on with life and put my sadness behind me.

I got an appointment right away and met with the specialist, Dr. Hatasaka and was still hoping in the back of my mind that there might be a procedure to fix my damaged tubes. There's not, at least not one that won't cause more damage. So, we decided to move forward in the in-vitro process.   I've honestly felt nothing but gratitude and peace since my 2nd surgery. I feel it was inspired that we did both of those when we did. I am grateful to know the cause of the problem so we can stop guessing why I'm not pregnant, month after month, and move forward. I'm grateful for modern medicine that allows us to have another baby and grow our family, despite my imperfect body.  I'm grateful for good doctors and supportive family that have rallied around us. Even though this is a hard trial, I just know in my heart that things will work out and our family will grow as it needs to, on the Lord's timetable. I have decided I can't feel bad that all of my friends that I was pregnant with around Kaden are all having a second baby right now. I can't feel bad that I don't fall into the "typical LDS timeline" for everything. I can't feel bad that both of my sister-in-laws are pregnant and so are tons of my cousins and cousin's wives. I can't feel bad about any of it because it allows bitterness to creep in, and after my last bout of infertility, that is the last thing I want is to be bitter and depressed.  My last round of infertility took me as low as I've ever been before I was able to pull out of it with the help of the Savior. It brought me closer to Christ and deepened my testimony of the Atonement. As painful as that 2.5 years was while we waited for Kaden, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Not that infertility will ever be easy or painless, because it's not, but I will say that this round of infertility feels easier because I already have my sweet Kaden bug. He makes my heart happy and has been such an incredible blessing to me to heal my broken heart and remove the bitterness from it.  He blesses our lives daily and I can't describe how just already having one sweet baby in our home makes it less painful while we wait for the rest to join us eventually.  Whenever his siblings come, they'll be so lucky to have this sweet boy for a big brother.

Patriotic Boating

After the fireworks show in Logan we drove up to Bear Lake and spent the night at my parent's cabin.  We spent the 4th-5th of July at Bear Lake with my family and Curtis' parents came up on the 5th.  Bear Lake is always beautiful (and freezing) but we didn't mind. I was so excited to go wake boarding since I hadn't been for a few summers.

We didn't take Kaden on the boat last year since we were afraid he wouldn't like it and he was having so much fun on the beach that we figured it wasn't worth ruining his fun, so this was Kaden's first time boating. Kaden loved being on the boat and was fascinated with watching the other boats and jet skis.

Ashley, Tyler, Jael, Missy & Tanner

 Missy's attempt to get Tanner off the tube ended in her getting herself off the tube as well. Ha ha!

 Kaden's first tube ride. We couldn't tell if he liked it or not since he had a rather stoic expression on the entire time.

 He seemed fine when we were just on the tube, before the boat started pulling us.

 By the end though I think he was a bit freaked out and Curtis was comforting him. He's such a sweet Dad!

 Nana and Kaden. He wore his ear phones when the boat was going and seemed to not mind the noise too much.

 Curtis, doing impressive jumps and 180 spins on the wakeboard, making the rest of us look bad.

 See what I mean? A bit unimpressive now that you look at the only picture that someone took of me. Ha ha! 

 Missy, Gentri, Kaden and Nana

Just for the record, my parents and Marv were also with us boating, but for some reason I guess I didn't get any pictures of them. Oops! :(

Baby You're a Firework...

On July 3rd we headed up to Logan for the annual pre-4th of July fireworks show at Romney Stadium.  We weren't sure if Kaden would sit still for the entertainment or if he'd scream through the fireworks again like last year, but we decided to give it a try.  I bought Kaden a flag (at his insistence) at Target and he carried it around and waved it for hours. We went with my parents, Missy and Tanner (Missy's boyfriend) and Marv and Dana.

Turns out, Kaden absolutely LOVED the music!!! He danced the whole time the band was on stage and had a blast. Nana brought him some glow stick bracelets and necklaces and he had the best time and was so cute.  Kaden loved the fireworks too, so despite being very tired and past his bedtime, the night was a success!

Donut Falls

We went hiking a few weekends ago at Donut Falls, up Big Cottonwood Canyon, with my dad, (who Kaden affectionately calls "Pa") and Jael Lindblom, (a family friend, who is living with my parents for the summer while her husband Chris is doing an internship abroad.)  Kaden has been on hikes with us before, but always in the Baby Bjorn, or the stroller, so this is his first "real" hike by himself.  He is not the type of kid to like to ride in a hiking backpack, so we tried to pick a short enough hike that he could do it himself.   (Donut Falls is about 1/4-1/2 mile long I think.)

Kaden loved being outside and walking on the path up to the falls. He kept stopping to pick up sticks and rocks, look at the water, pet a dog on the path, etc… He's a true toddler.  He loves collecting little things and carrying them with him.  He is a good little hiker.  He kept saying, "Kaden hiker man." :)

 Kaden is really into going "fast" and will say, "fast, fast" as he runs everywhere. He's honestly really fast for a little guy and we have to genuinely try to keep up with him sometimes.  He ran a majority of the way up the path on this hike, rather than walking.

 Kaden was obsessed with the rocks and the water, so Curtis took him a little closer to the falls so he could get a better look at them.

 We ate a picnic dinner up the canyon and Kaden decided that "Jae" was his buddy of choice to sit by. 

Cousin Bonding

One of the best things about being back in Utah is watching Kaden bond with his cousins, Jackson and Jace. He loves to play with both of them and they always have so much fun together.

 Kaden and Jackson figured out they could go on a more wild wagon ride if Curtis pulled them down the hill. Their faces are pure bliss!!

 When we go to Nana and Papa's house, Kaden absolutely loves their "tram-peen" (trampoline) and these boys will play on it for hours, jumping and giggling the day away.

What fun it is to have cousins his age.  These boys sure love each other!!

Wheeler Farm

While Curtis was working during the day, Kaden and I went with Grandma to Wheeler Farm.  We fed the ducks, which Kaden really liked. I was so excited for him to see all the different animals in person since he knows all the animal sounds and names.  But of course Kaden wasn't excited about the animals. At all. We kept trying to get him to go see the different animals and all he wanted to do was go on the "big tractor." So we paid $2 to ride the tractor and you'd have thought he won the lottery.  He was so happy the whole time and loved every second of it. When  the ride was over he was so sad and kept trying to get back on. Luckily, a few feet away was a giant tractor that was on display for kids to climb on/play with.  We spent the rest of our time there.

So much for the animals, but I'm glad Kaden liked the tractor! :)